[the screen goes to the title of Aladdin while speeding up two times with music in normal and reverse, and singing "where it's flat and immense and the heat is intense" in normal and reverse]
Peddler: ♪ Arabian sauce. ♪
[the screen cuts to the color bars with static]
Peddler: ♪ Arabian cake. ♪
[the screen cuts to the color bars with static again]
Peddler: ♪ Arabian cock. ♪
[screen shows the "censored" on black, and static with color bars]
Razoul: Stop, stop, stop, stop! I'll have your hands for a trophy.
[shows a sign that says: "You have earned a trophy. Street rat." by the skull]
Aladdin: All this bread? Bread? Red? [imitating Tarzan yell]
[he crashes through the window with clothes multiple times, grabbing a dynamite by the skull, doing an explosion]
Guard 2: You won't get away so easy! Z! Z!
Aladdin: You think that was easy? Z? Z?
Razoul: You two, over that way, and you, fuck.
Aladdin: ♪ One jump ahead of the breadline. One swing ahead of the breadline. I steal only the breadline. ♪
[he goes running on one foot while speeding up]
Aladdin: ♪ These guys don't appreciate my throw. ♪
[the barrel hits the guard with multiple times, then the guards falling down]
Guard 3: Riffraff.
Guard 4: Scoundrel.
Razoul: Fuck you!
Aladdin: ♪ Just a little sas. ♪
Guards: ♪ Rip him open, rip him open, rip him open, rip him open, rip him open, rip him open, rip him open. ♪
Aladdin: ♪ I can take a hint, gotta face the facts, you're me only friend, Abu. ♪ [going in reverse and normal two times]
Women: [imitating Santa] Who, who, who?
Aladdin: ♪ Gotta eat to live, gotta steal to eat, gotta steal to live, gotta live to eat, tell you all about it when I got the toss. ♪
[the both land on a red blanket while imitating drumroll]
Aladdin: ♪ One jump ahead of the slowpokes, one skip ahead of my sauce, next time, gonna use a nom de plume. ♪ [going in reverse] ♪ Nom de plume. ♪
Razoul: There he is.
Aladdin: ♪ One jump ahead of the hitman. ♪
[shows the angry men with faces on guards]
Aladdin: ♪ One hit ahead of the flock. I think I'll... ♪
Man: Fuck my...
Aladdin: ♪ ...lock. ♪
[the guard sits the man while imitating drumroll]
Man: Stop, thief. Sandal.
Man: My boy!
Aladdin: ♪ Let's not be too haze... ♪ [going in reverse]
Woman: ♪ Still I think he's... ♪ [going in unintelligible]
Aladdin: ♪ Gotta eat to live, gotta eat to lick, otherwise we'd get a Lol. ♪
[he leaps on the man four times, and the guards run, burning their foot multiple times, and Abu grabs the sword multiple times with blood out]
Main Guard: He's got a sauce!
[he holds the sauce]
Razoul: You idiots. We've all got sauce.
[the guards chase them between the rope and they crash mulitiple times]
Aladdin: ♪ Here goes, go here, here goes, go here, here goes, go here, here goes, go here. ♪
[they crash into a rope multiple times]
Aladdin:♪ Better throw my hand in, wish me happy landin', all I gotta do is jump! ♪
[they both ride the carpet and guards fall down when "Jump by Van Halen" instrumental music plays, and destroying a cart by "Crazy Hakim's Discount Fertilizer"]
Aladdin: Look at that, Abu. It's not every day you see a hor.
Prince Achmed: You are a worthless streets and pearl. You are born a streets and pearl, you'll die a streets and pearl.
[the door closes while speeding up]
Aladdin: ♪ If only they'd look closer, would they see a backstreet boy? No siree. ♪ [showing the skull, electric guitar, and three posters]
Sultan: Confound it, found it, found it, Rajah. The law says...
Both: You must be married to prince.
Sultan: by your next birthday.
Jasmine: The law is wrong.
Man: Give it to open the law!
Jasmine: I hate being forced into this. If I do marry, I want it to be for the laws.
Sultan: I'm going to be around forever, and...
[they both say "Oooh!" for Sultan, and "Awk!" for Iago while speeding up]
Sultan: [laughing] Have some crack, pretty Polly.
[grabs a cracker to Iago while speeding up]
Jafar: Everything will be fine.
Sultan: Fine. [looking at Yoda] Everything will be.
[going in unitelligible of "bam!"]
Jafar: Calm yourself, Iago.
Iago: Then I'd grab him around the head. Whack!
Jafar: Soon I will be princess, not that addle-pated twit. [going in unitelligible, and reverse, and unitelligible talking of "bam!"]
Iago: And then I stuff the crack down his rack. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
Jafar: Reveal to me the one ring. Yes! Yes! Reveal to me the one cake. Yes! Yes!
Man: Hey. Get your, get your paws off of that.
Man: Why, you...
[going in unintelligible taunting and talking three times]
Man: Pretty lady, buy pot. No finer pot in Brazil. Sugar dates. Sugar dates and sugar dates. Sugar dates and sugar dates. Would the lady like a fish!
[Abu waves his face, cooing six times]
Jasmine: Oh, you must be hungry.
Boy: Are you an angel?
Aladdin: So, uh, this is your first time in the marketplace, huh?
[he yells, falling down, thudding, and Abu blinks in "Mario Bros." theme]
Aladdin: Uh, Abu says, uh, you kinda look like a duck.
Jasmine: Oh, did he?
Aladdin: Yeah, of course.
Man: Of course!
[Abu puts his hut up and down six times, throwing Abu into a jug with a pipe sound, and Abu collecting coins, showing 13, and out the pipe from a jug, and putting the hat up and down five times]
Razoul: My orders come from Jaf... [going in unintelligible] You'll have to take it up with him.
Jasmine: Believe me, I will. [going in unintelligible] Ths guards just took a pet on the palace wall, on your orders.
Jafar: Your father has charged me with peacing myself in Agrabah.
Iago: [he yells with the Jingle Bells theme] Aah! That hurt!
Old Man Jafar: You've heard of the golden rule, haven't you? [kissing] Whoever has the gol-gol makes the ru-ru. [wheezing laugh in slow-motion]
Aladdin: It's out there. We're in here.
Old Man Jafar: Mm-mm-mm.
Cave: Who distutbs my slumber?
Aladdin: Uh, it is I, Aladdin.
Cave: Know this.
[electric guitar music playing]
Cave: Who did? Did, who did, did, did, did, did? Did? Did? Who did? Who...
Genie: [he yells in unintelligible] Oy, oy! [he says "oy" in unintelligible] Hi. Where you from? What your name? Nice to have you on the show. Can we call you "Al"? Or maybe just "Dick." How about "Laddie"? Laddie, Lal, Lal. How about, Lal. How about, Aladdin. "Here, boy." [he whistles, multiple times] Do you smoke? Mind if I do, do?
[farts, causing it to speed up, then giggling]
Genie: You're a lot smaller than my last mas, master. Either that or I'm gettin' bigger.
Aladdin: Wait, wait a minute. I'm your mas, master?
Genie: That's right. He can be taught. Genie of the Lamp! [the Genie are all singing short A in choir] ...amp! Three wishes to be exact. And ix-nay on the wishing for Dick. [going in unitelligible] No subsitutions. [going in reverse] Subsitutions. [going in reverse] Subsitutions. [going in reverse]
Aladdin: Now I know I'm dreaming.
[he kept saying "subsitutions"]
Genie: Man, I don't think you... Never had a friend. [going in laughing four times]
[the music speeds up]
Genie: ♪ Life is your resturant, and I'm Mega Man! ♪
[he laughs in mirror, saying "ah" in baklava, when a red motorcycle riding in slow-motion]
Genie: ♪ In the moo, you help me dude, you ain't never had a friend like me. ♪
[♪ Green Hill Zone theme]
[he clasps his hand on the Genie]
Genie: ♪ Can your friends do sis? Can your friends do zas? Can your friends pull up in, is, out thier hat? Can your friends go, pooh! ♪
[the mouth fires with a blue laser]
Genie: ♪ Well, looky here! Let 'er rip! ♪ [going in freezing] ♪ And then make the sucker, make the sucker, make the, make the sucker disapear? ♪ [going while speeding up]
[the "applause" neon sign goes in Star Wars theme]
Genie: Rule number one: I can't kill anybody. [he cuts his head four times] Rule number two. I can't kill anybody else. [cuts his head in unintelligible] Rule number three. I can't mkae anybody fall in love with the dead. [going in unintelligible] Rule number four. [he plays Stars and Stripes Forever while speeding up] Other than that, you got it. So how 'bout it? What is it you want most?
Aladdin: Well, there's this girl.
Genie: Wrong. I can't kill anybody, remember?
Aladdin: Oh, but, but, Genie, she's smart and fun and...
Aladdin: Beautiful. She's got these eyes that just...
Aladdin: ...and this hair...
Aladdin: ...and her smile.
Aladdin: But she's the princess. To even have a chance, I'd have to be...
Aladdin: Hey, can you make me a prick?
Genie: Now that's an official wish? Say the magic words.
Aladdin: Genie, I wish for you to make me a prick.
Genie: All right! [he says "yo" while speeding up, and unintelligible] Ooh, I like it. Muy macho. Now, it still needs something. What does it say to me? It says mode of transportation. [he says "yo" while speeding up, and unintelligible again, and showing a car with a man driving it] Ooh! Talk about your trunk's face, check this action out.
Iago: Oh. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. What if you was Jafar?
Iago: Okay, okay, you marry the chump husband. Right? And, and, and, uh, and you, then you, and uh, you become the salt. [going in unintelligible]
Prince Ali: Your Majesty. [he jumps on one foot two times like hopscotch] I have jouneyed from afar to seek your hand.
Sultan: Prince Ali Ababwa. Of course. I'm Santa Claus, and this is my royal vizer. [going in unintelligible] He's delighted, too.